A life without ‘Facebook Life’

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to belittle people who love to share the snaps on Facebook, believe me I am one of those. I love those people for sharing their snaps with me.I am here to just add a perspective on the same topic.

My affair with social media is almost 8 years old..I started in 2004. Since then it has been a smooth ride.It has given me a lot of business and fortune and I don’t regret being with it even for a single second. I hate to admit it, but it is now guiding us in our behaviors, habits, idiosyncrasies, our relationships and more so life.. Whether its a recipe; a new decision; a new job;vacation, birthday bash or plain party..we are just not capturing the moments but clicking “Facebook moments’ or ‘Facebook clicks’ and this my friend is not the mistake.The mistake is to live for those ‘Facebook clicks’.

Just yesterday I had spoken to a Canadian friend who complained endlessly about how her boyfriend has not been taking her for any vacations for past 3 months and how their photographs on Facebook are not generating enough ‘Likes’. I wanted to let her know that is not what life is..but how could I, when I knew deep down that even I like to have some ‘Facebook clicks’? Facebook friends and Facebook  life all travel with us on vacations,sit between us in our sitting rooms through the  Facebook clicks and even define our relationships. I was not surprised when my friend from India complained that I didn’t wish her  New years whereas I wished another friend of mine on Facebook. Are we not taking our Facebook life too seriously? I have recently put some beautiful moments of my life on Facebook and loved to share it with my friends and family online. But I am going to be more cautious the next time I click any snap, that these would be also cherished in a photo album. I intend to put all my special moments in a photo album.According to Threatmetrix, published in an article on socialmediatoday, 50% of consumers do not trust Facebook stores.This is enough for me to work extra mile as a social media consultant. But still, I do not advocate living a Facebook life, even though that’s my profession.I know that the Facebook life is not my only reality.

Facebook may profess freedom and autonomy. It may be good at creating phenomena but our lives are not phenomena.I am not against social media but I think we all can try building our own quality life as well with building the social media life as well. Facebook has given great business to many people, social media is an amazing tool for increasing the bottom lines;for marketing, for business strategies and has changed the whole business phenomenon all in positives. Its all great! It has given us a way to find people that otherwise was not possible for us to meet.As humans we are born to connect whether online or offline and this need is the impetus of companies like Facebook and Twitter.

I do have a ‘Facebook life’ that inspires me to do great professionally; helps me connects with my friends and family; adds to my confidence but my life out of Facebook is equally fulfilling. Out of my Facebook life I am a mom, a wife, a person who serves community and loves to talk over coffee sessions post dinner.Out of my FB life I call my friends, visit my old aunt, talk and comfort friends.For all of you who are somewhere renouncing your unique life and copying a life that exists on Facebook that may or may not have been clicked just for Facebook. Its a Face and not the soul.Our lives are not phenomenon, they are at times exciting and at times boring;its not necessary for something to be happening all the time. I am not here to stir a debate on cyberoptimist or cyberpessimist.I am neither because I value logic and life. What makes sense does make sense and what dosent will never.

So get out with that digi cam or DSLR of yours, click the most amazing soul stirring pics and get them printed ! sometimes somethings should only be for you !!

With love from 2011

It is a busy day for me..some dear friends coming over for dinner at a short notice.I have read through some amazing posts by fellow bloggers on Truckshops near highway; how to plan ones life;how europe is going to cope with meltdown etc. All amazing in their own ways. My post is a cliché’ and will proudly remain so. It is about my learnings from this year which was rough and roughening. The rough times roughed me.This year churned some basic feelings inside me and I tried to get these answers through a book given to me by my dear friend.

1. ‘ I’ is dangerous. Nature in its mammoth state gives a lesson that when sun will rise it will set as well and river will flow and will never stagnate.Nothing is permanent so get rid of ‘i’.

2. Love breeds fear and it is natural.What is unnatural is tolet this guide ones life.When I tried to recognise my fear on my face I fought it and went beyond it.

3. Doubt comes when there is space to create it.Friction arises when there are two or more entities.It never arises when there is one.

4. When ones survival is at stake one does not complain.But when there is safety and security we find excuses to be in conflict to demand attention.

5. In life we will leave behind experiences saying “this is nothing..what remains is a basic need to be loved” and “This is it..there is nothing more to it”.The question is how soon we come to this understanding.Either through understanding or through sorrow, the choice is still ours.

6. Three modes of communication in head to head we talk, in heart to heart we sing and in soul to soul we are silent.Head s safe for ego;heart breaks the ego and soul dissolves it.If you cannot communicate ..Please introspect-chances are there is a small trace of ego somewhere probably.

7. Every experience as lead me to self.It has not always been a pleasurable experience but I am closer to myself .

Note: Some of us might have our own learnings.Some of us might just like to live as it comes..its all good!

Happy New year 2012 with hope to live and laugh truly !

When I cant stand myself !

Year 2007 : This is when I had attended an office training at Cornell University. On the last day of the training there was a networking high tea session that included some professors from Cornell, thinkers and some more dignitaries. Suddenly I overheard a gentleman talking to our team manager, the guy was introduced to my group as a lawyer from Yale and a management graduate from Kelloggs was soft spoken. They were discussing about how is it important to move vertical professionally and how the reviews they write can be a tool for their superiors to judge them.To this the courtly lawyer replied “It is important to be totally unaffected by the personal grudges and think objectively and that is quite an art.This art helps you think like a leader and not like a manager. This art segregates you from your peers and also evolves you as a human being. This art gives you an inner strength that your mere presence is enough to vouch something.This art also helps you when you know that you cant stand yourself because of your thoughts.You can only master this art by writing down your thoughts as they come about someone or some incidence.When you are done…the sequence will tell you how negative you can be..or how irritating you can be..and then you wont have to try improving, it will be done automatically .Writing helps because we get so accustomed to our thoughts that we lose awareness of them.” I didn’t pay heed to that piece as I had an interesting life to look forward to and pondering was the last thing on my mind.And I was busy discussing that how inbound marketing costs 62% less per lead than traditional marketing. And I was young and furious.Plus, I thought that I was too occupied and thought that I had no time for this self-help high thinker (there are plenty in this world).

Year 2011: Now that I am settled in my life in every way. I did an exercise. That I will try few things that I thought were way out of my league but were decent enough, before I scrap them and label them as useless habits. First was to try an exercise that I scrapped in Year 2007 by this self obsessed lawyer whom I thought as another aspiring self help Guru. I kind off weigh against Self help gurus, I believe in my own learning. So I have been putting off this from a long time due to my work;due to thinking that this is absolutely useless; this was an advice from a useless man that I have forgotten about..blah blah!But then I gave it a try because I was absolutely free. This was a good time to do this.I wrote down my every thought from my first yawn till my last yawn. At night I looked at that small piece of paper and guess what a revelation!!Vola! I am a weird person. I am a much better person at the end of the day. I am putting down some high points of my mental scribbler…

7:30 am – “this is a weird alarm tone..I need to change it”

8:30 am- “I hate to have this breakfast”

11:30 am- “I cant be having such fried stuff”

1:00 pm- “Someday I will give it back to him in words more harsh”

4:00 pm- “Susan(name changed)..is so selfish..I am cutting down any communication”.

5:00 pm- “I am tired..I cant excercise…I want to hog on food”

5:20 pm- “Cummon..hog on food ASAP”.

5:30 pm (after recieving a coffee offer from Susan) – “Susan is such a sweet girl”.
8:30 pm- “Yuck yuck I hate this soup”

10:00 pm- “I am going for a jog tomorrow”

11:00 pm- “uhhh…I guess I like the alarm tone”

This was my first attempt and since then I try to do it every Friday and fail off course. I ave attempted this twice and I really realize that after writing  my thoughts, I really took control of somethings and actually created my own reality. I don’t do it very often but this exercise acts as a flying squad for my thoughts..I monitor myself, read it and show it to my hubby…Its a surprise that this list ignites conversations over cuppa coffee, instills smiles and also makes for a good laugh that we share because I am so weird at times like all of you…try it…worth a try once…I know we don’t have time for this all the time but trying it just once will open some doors..somewhere deep in heart. This also helps to see that there are times that I cant stand myself.

NOTE: And by the way that gentleman lawyer whom I discarded as a high thinker and someone who has no struggles in life and will just give advice because he has nothing else to do…is now in the advisory board of President of US. And I am ashamed of myself  secretly(giggles) !!!