Daily Prompt: The Satisfaction of a List


5  Things I will never feel guilty about

If there is a certain satisfaction in making a list, then definitely there is greater satisfaction in checking things off that list. Making a list gives a sense of clarity and a subtle feeling of being ‘in-control’.As a person, I am very inward looking.As much short-tempered I am, its only me who will be the first one to ask for forgiveness just for the sake of my own happiness.I figured out I have held myself guilty about most mundane and senseless things in life.So, I am writing down 5 things I will never feel guilty about, read on:

1. About saying ‘no’- This is big on my list.I have always felt the urge to say ‘yes’ to anything and everything.Whether its taking time out for a cup of coffee with my friend in the midst of filing my tax or meeting up casually with my friends when I should be taking out my son to park;I have always said ‘YES’. Saying ‘yes’ probably urged from my fear of not being accepted the way I am.So, to integrate myself I would be in a situation when I am literally juggling my life among non important things.So, I have made it a point to say ‘No’ when I have to. That too ‘Guilt Free’

2. About speaking my mind- Its kind of a split personality and a total opposite from my first point.How can a person who always says ‘yes’ never feel indictable about speaking her mind? But believe it or not I have a strong personality and I can never keep mum about something that I think is unjust or nonfactual (natural to the innate journalist that I am). Speaking my mind, makes me who I am. I will never be rude or overpowering but I would also never feel guilty about saying what I feel.

3.About taking time off my kids and husband- Yes, I said it.I consider myself a very loving wife and a doting mom.Though being a mom does not come naturally to me. I was never fond of kids until I had mine. I always liked to hold babies for a while as far as they were not mine.But, now I have my own and I am bit changed. Still , being a mom is quite a responsibility for someone like me who is in finance sector and also a journalist.I am sure there are other stories of Moms I have heard who surpass me in every sense, but this is me! So, its important for me to spend sometime with myself everyday and take myself out of that home. I will never feel smitten by my conscience about some downtime. I am a mom, wife, friend, daughter-in-law etc etc but I am a person before all that.The health of other relationships is directly proportionate to how I feel about myself.So, ‘me’ is important for sure. And I deserve some fun.

4.About offering ‘Help’ and being turned down- There are times, when I see an old lady at the grocery trying to match the pace of the cashier as she hustles her stuff on the belt;my heart cringes and says ‘Can I help?’ and then she replies curtly ‘I got it’. At these times, I used to feel I shouldn’t have asked to help, but what if this was exceptional situation and what if someone else in the same situation might need me to help?Though it is embarrassing, but I will never feel at-fault about offering any help. You never know someone might be too shy to ask!

5.About leaving my job if my family needs me- I learnt it the hard way. I could not be with my father on his death bed as I had just joined a coveted position at a bank and I was waiting for him to get better and buy myself sometime in the new job before I asked for a leave. But my father passed away before that. That guilt of not being able to see him one last time has never left me;it sleeps with me, wakes up when I do, showers with me and smiles with me.So, I will never ever feel guilty about being for a family member if he/she absolutely needs me and cannot do without me.I will not feel guilty about valuing relationships over money or job. After all, what makes me smile is always the memories and kind words said to me and its never the Gucci bag I bought.