6 inconspicuous things jealous people do !!

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You find these people everywhere. Just when you thought you had a great companion, colleague or a friend they get you with a teaspoon of a comment that hints of ‘jealousy’. No you cannot avoid them and you have to react to their comments with a feigned smile. But there is something I tell you about the curious case of ‘uncomfortable with your success’ people; seldom do they realise that people understand what they are trying to do. Sometimes they do it unknowingly that is when you have to take these people just as an entertainment value. Read on if you are around one of the below:

 

  1. They will subtly ‘one-up’ your story- Whether it is the new deal you got at the restaurant or the course you are taking at the university, these people will always have something better to add to that. It is beyond them to just listen to someone else’s good story, they always find a way to add their own.
  2. They don’t acknowledge you- If you have put a happy story on facebook, it is very rare that J people will not notice it. Probably they have seen it 100 times and googled your story twice. But they will behave as if they have not had the time to see your update.
  3. Disqualify your achievement-  People find excuses to settle with their own failures. Some of them belittle your achievement by saying ‘I have seen so many people doing that, it hasn’t worked for them’ !!! And boy they can give you real statistics proving that.
  4. They make you feel guilty- So think you take up a special course at that community college leaving your kid behind, the ‘J’ kinds will always mention the trade off. They will tell you how inacceptable it is for them to leave their kid around for an upgrade. They will always make you feel bad about how you are missing out on social life by just following your heart and taking up that course.
  5. They overcompensate-This is when they know that they are jealous and they try to camouflage it by being overly happy about your achievement.
  6. Give you backhanded compliments-So you bought this dress online and your friend mentions ‘Isn’t it funny that this dress looks good on you but when put it on..I look tacky”. You got the point!

Daily Prompt: The Satisfaction of a List

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5  Things I will never feel guilty about

If there is a certain satisfaction in making a list, then definitely there is greater satisfaction in checking things off that list. Making a list gives a sense of clarity and a subtle feeling of being ‘in-control’.As a person, I am very inward looking.As much short-tempered I am, its only me who will be the first one to ask for forgiveness just for the sake of my own happiness.I figured out I have held myself guilty about most mundane and senseless things in life.So, I am writing down 5 things I will never feel guilty about, read on:

1. About saying ‘no’- This is big on my list.I have always felt the urge to say ‘yes’ to anything and everything.Whether its taking time out for a cup of coffee with my friend in the midst of filing my tax or meeting up casually with my friends when I should be taking out my son to park;I have always said ‘YES’. Saying ‘yes’ probably urged from my fear of not being accepted the way I am.So, to integrate myself I would be in a situation when I am literally juggling my life among non important things.So, I have made it a point to say ‘No’ when I have to. That too ‘Guilt Free’

2. About speaking my mind- Its kind of a split personality and a total opposite from my first point.How can a person who always says ‘yes’ never feel indictable about speaking her mind? But believe it or not I have a strong personality and I can never keep mum about something that I think is unjust or nonfactual (natural to the innate journalist that I am). Speaking my mind, makes me who I am. I will never be rude or overpowering but I would also never feel guilty about saying what I feel.

3.About taking time off my kids and husband- Yes, I said it.I consider myself a very loving wife and a doting mom.Though being a mom does not come naturally to me. I was never fond of kids until I had mine. I always liked to hold babies for a while as far as they were not mine.But, now I have my own and I am bit changed. Still , being a mom is quite a responsibility for someone like me who is in finance sector and also a journalist.I am sure there are other stories of Moms I have heard who surpass me in every sense, but this is me! So, its important for me to spend sometime with myself everyday and take myself out of that home. I will never feel smitten by my conscience about some downtime. I am a mom, wife, friend, daughter-in-law etc etc but I am a person before all that.The health of other relationships is directly proportionate to how I feel about myself.So, ‘me’ is important for sure. And I deserve some fun.

4.About offering ‘Help’ and being turned down- There are times, when I see an old lady at the grocery trying to match the pace of the cashier as she hustles her stuff on the belt;my heart cringes and says ‘Can I help?’ and then she replies curtly ‘I got it’. At these times, I used to feel I shouldn’t have asked to help, but what if this was exceptional situation and what if someone else in the same situation might need me to help?Though it is embarrassing, but I will never feel at-fault about offering any help. You never know someone might be too shy to ask!

5.About leaving my job if my family needs me- I learnt it the hard way. I could not be with my father on his death bed as I had just joined a coveted position at a bank and I was waiting for him to get better and buy myself sometime in the new job before I asked for a leave. But my father passed away before that. That guilt of not being able to see him one last time has never left me;it sleeps with me, wakes up when I do, showers with me and smiles with me.So, I will never ever feel guilty about being for a family member if he/she absolutely needs me and cannot do without me.I will not feel guilty about valuing relationships over money or job. After all, what makes me smile is always the memories and kind words said to me and its never the Gucci bag I bought.

A holiday challenge out of turn

Ok so my husband read my last post and really liked it. He casually asked me, like I tell most of my young clients, if I am willing to tone down my holiday preparations money wise and still keep the fun? I was unsure if I am willing to accept the challenge as I have always been a careful person who budgets for everything from buying a Gucci bag to the smallest item on my grocery list. I was not willing to tone down this year also because I have saved comfortably for the party and the gifts and the biggest reason; I have a new one waiting to arrive anytime and its celebration time! The inner Aries in me refused to give up on this challenge. So changing plans meant changing the following :

  • A new Christmas tree and decoration– I had planned to buy a brand new Christmas Tree with white snow flakes this year, as I got bored with old one and already chosen my decorations from ‘Home Sense’. The challenge meant that I shelve all these plans and still not feel bad about it. I rushed to my basement and stripped my old Christmas tree of all its old decorations. My next destination was taking a u-turn,into the dollar shop. I was pleasantly surprised to see the decoration items they had. Instead of picking my all time favorite red, green and white.I picked up all purple. I went overboard with even buying the wreaths from there. After my shopathon I apprehensively turned to the cash register and waited for the cashier to tell me the golden figure. “Its $22”, she said and voila! I won this one. My Christmas Tree looks more than perfect now with those purple decor’s hanging in there and I cant even tell its my old one.
  • Gifts from ‘The Bay’– I have always shopped from here. I know I know its expensive.But I budgeted for it. I just loved the moment when I handed over the white ‘The Bay’ bags and loved the shine in my friends eyes. I always thought that if I get them something less than that, it might look bad for my image or they may think I am in some kind of crunch whenI am not (I wish I knew earlier, I was soooo wrong).  Ok, so now I had to forget this. Instead I went to Ikea and bought some wooden picture frames $7 each and printed a  picture with a personalized message. I was a meeting a friend over for lunch as she will be away for the holidays so I had to give this gift before she left. After a banana loaf and coffee at the cozy Starbucks it was time for the gift. I slyly took out the gift and waited for her phone call.The call didn’t come the same evening. This morning I got a call from her and it looked she was emotional after reading my personalized message on the picture I framed for her.Her words “Best gift ever” and I knew she meant it as she has always spoken her mind. The AHA moment. I was all this while underestimating my relationships. I get the hint. I was wrong all this while.
  • Gifts for little ones– So, I thought of spending at least $50 on each kid, a total of four kids (one including mine). ‘Toysrus’ my one stop destination. Alas! I had to give it a miss. My Plan B,I had bought the jazziest gift bags from dollar shop and filled it with lots of goodies like chocolates, crayons, play doughs, star wars figurines, Cars2 toys etc etc etc. My grand total for a pack of 4, $36. What?????? I cant believe the bill. I bought 5 bags and gave one as an experiment to my 3 year old son and he cant get over the variety of things he found in the goodie bag. I must say my challenge was turning out to be pretty satisfying.
  • Crib and clothes for the new baby–  I do not know why but I wanted to buy $300 crib from Sears for the new one. But keeping the new challenge in mind I had to hem my aspirations for this one too. The old crib I had given away so I had less options and time even less. For the first time I browsed through sites like Kjiji and found the best deals. A new mother was giving a great deal on a brown almost new crib for just half of the price of the new one. She also had some great deals on baby clothes she had hardly used. I made up my mind, that I will be honest and even try buying those clothes (One thing I had never done). It felt awkward to go and pick it up as she might be thinking I cant afford a new one (she didn’t know I as under a challenge), but I still did pick it up. After the crib has sat in the nursery for almost 2 days, I really cant stop thinking about how my thoughts really did not let me explore any new and more economical options.I cold have saved even more! It does not matter, where I got the crib from, what matters is who will sleep in it! What a learning experience.
  • Gifts for me – I have always been a person who loved to give gifts it gave me a lot of satisfaction. So I still had few people who were good candidates for my gifts.It is tough to skip them. But for the first time I am going to not only skip gifts for them but I will expect gifts.

I do have some handful challenges to meet but I have overcome the biggest ones. The money I planned to spend on the above is still sitting pretty in my savings account. Apart from having saved even more money, what I realized was what we lack in our lives, we often fulfill it by spending money on it that is even more bubble reputed. The challenge has become priceless for me.I am more self assured and confident. I am not worrying about my image, I am getting more real.Extra money never hurt anyone.I am certainly loving it !

Tra ! la! la! la! la! la! la!

The difference between good and bad !

Recently I went to a function of a college when Vice chancellor of that university announced a 4 year grant for a very poor student. The ecstatic student went up to the VC at the end of the function and said “You are the best person who I have come across in my whole life”. And I agreed. But I was the same person who really was upset when the same grant was not given to a poor student known to our family for years.

I have contradicted myself in so many situations and for over so many years.I have come to ask myself a question..what defines a good act and a bad act?I have aften found myself weighing that any act of mine was good or was that bad? We all at some point we all percieve things as good or bad.Our basic problem is that we seek clarity between the good and the bad.Whereas if we see both rely on their own contexts.Although I think a lot on these lines still but this does not deter me from doing what is generally thought of correct in the worldly context. I just question it whenever I get stuck in a “think or throw” type of thought. In moments where I dont know if I should forgive a person or be forgiven? There is a small story by a famous visionary which helps me. It goes like :

In a faraway small village, there lived a bunch of conservative families where falling in love and getting married was a stigma. There lived a carpenter who had a docile girl.She got married with the consent of her parents and invited the whole village for the extravagant wedding. The wedding had various delicacies and everybody was given a box of sweets that was the main attraction . For months villagers remembered that ‘box of sweets’ that was given with so much benevolence. On the contrary , one night a barber’s daughter from the same village eloped with a guy from a nearby village and left a goodbye letter for her parents.None knew that where she eloped.There was no wedding, no villagers were invited and hence ‘no box of sweets’ were given as the girl just eloped. Few months later both the girls in separate incidences fought with thier respective husbands and came back home to live with their parents. Villagers supported the carpenters daughter and poured all their love to her as compared to barbers daughter and bad mouthed her.For the villagers, carpenters daughter was good and barbers daughter was bad and they asked her to leave the village. Howsoever upset barber was with her daughter, he still disliked the villagers descision. The King of the village was approached to give the descision as to who was right and who was wrong? After listening carefully, the king gave his verdict and that was :

“The difference between good and bad is only ‘a box of sweets’ that was given for the carpenters daughter wedding and that could not happen for the barber’s daughter wedding because she eloped”.

This story will stay with me forever and will guide me when my mind becomes full of expectations and my demands become unnecessary, when I am driven to believe that I am good and such an such person is bad. I will just think ‘there lies a context that I may not see, but exists still”.

Living life -“no frills attached”

I read somewhere ““Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” 

Cannot agree more with the above.We all live around so much jazz around life like feelings, expectations, profession, marriage, love,romance that we forget about ‘moments’ in life. These frills butts us in so many pressures of being a good wife, a good mom, a good daughter-in-law, a good friend, a good professional,a good socialite that we start conditioning ourselves to be the slaves of others imagery of us and also start expecting the same from people around us. Through the vicissitudes of life, I understood that ‘being good human was important’ and the others will fall into place on their own.

For once we have all been a person thinking that ‘If I do not communicate this, I will die” and in most situations its the complain ,the anger that we want to communicate and not the actual objective point of view of ours. We often mistaken “communicate” with “blurting it out”. This happened with me once, when I was fuming with some thought and was about to give a good piece of my mind to a loved one and suddenly in that moment of anger I said to myself, “I am not going to blurt it out, neither communicate..this is not as important in my life..I will let it go”…worked wonders!

We all have been forced to believe that life is a struggle and their are no real relationships in this world.I think If we let go of our preconceived notions on life ,relationships and people we might be able to notice the obviousness and that is ‘everybody has a point’ and they act accordingly so actually there is no point proving them wrong…one just has to let go.

So now I let go of my inhibitions, my fears, my failures, my achievements and at times my feelings too …to experience “how is it to live life without these frills attached”? I must say I am enjoying the ride!