6 inconspicuous things jealous people do !!

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You find these people everywhere. Just when you thought you had a great companion, colleague or a friend they get you with a teaspoon of a comment that hints of ‘jealousy’. No you cannot avoid them and you have to react to their comments with a feigned smile. But there is something I tell you about the curious case of ‘uncomfortable with your success’ people; seldom do they realise that people understand what they are trying to do. Sometimes they do it unknowingly that is when you have to take these people just as an entertainment value. Read on if you are around one of the below:

 

  1. They will subtly ‘one-up’ your story- Whether it is the new deal you got at the restaurant or the course you are taking at the university, these people will always have something better to add to that. It is beyond them to just listen to someone else’s good story, they always find a way to add their own.
  2. They don’t acknowledge you- If you have put a happy story on facebook, it is very rare that J people will not notice it. Probably they have seen it 100 times and googled your story twice. But they will behave as if they have not had the time to see your update.
  3. Disqualify your achievement-  People find excuses to settle with their own failures. Some of them belittle your achievement by saying ‘I have seen so many people doing that, it hasn’t worked for them’ !!! And boy they can give you real statistics proving that.
  4. They make you feel guilty- So think you take up a special course at that community college leaving your kid behind, the ‘J’ kinds will always mention the trade off. They will tell you how inacceptable it is for them to leave their kid around for an upgrade. They will always make you feel bad about how you are missing out on social life by just following your heart and taking up that course.
  5. They overcompensate-This is when they know that they are jealous and they try to camouflage it by being overly happy about your achievement.
  6. Give you backhanded compliments-So you bought this dress online and your friend mentions ‘Isn’t it funny that this dress looks good on you but when put it on..I look tacky”. You got the point!

Fear Factor and Network Marketing

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It is said that we were born with only 2 fears-fear of falling and fear of loud noise.By the time we hit our teens we have developed around 4000 fears.It is strange but true that every time we say ‘No’, most of them are generated with an innate fear of either being fooled;being vulnerable;being carried away;of loosing. Our first instinct is to say ‘No’ not because we have a reason but because we have made some fear a part of our DNA and will be passing it onto our scions. How have we crossed these several years day in and day out pregnant with several fears hovering us?As if fear can change the future.But I am sure not having a fear can change the future.

And now I come to network marketing.How much we hate people who reach on to us during our busy lunch hours at office with a catalog! As soon as we see a woman approaching with a glee in her eyes and a catalog in hand, we sprint towards our bathroom and pretend to give a short smile. It is astonishing that how much we hate consultants from a network marketing company but on the other hand we are spending our weekends subtly selling our thoughts, recommending products, giving advice, swearing by a certain esthetician or a mechanic. We never know our friends to whom we are recommending, selling, advising in such confidence might be mumbling ‘Here she goes again’, but because they do not have the option they listen to you and sometimes honor you too.If we do it ourselves why do we hate that woman or a couple who are trying to do just the same for some extra bucks?Here I am not talking about scam companies and  schemes;I am referring to legit network marketing companies.

We would rather run to the most expensive shops and buy stuff from there thinking that’s the real deal. Don’t you think we are fooling ourselves?Everyone in this world wants a piece of that paycheck in your pocket.Nothing wrong in it, you also work for money and this is how economy works.

Why are we so averse to Network Marketing? Is it because we are in fear of opening up to a person with a catalog in hand? Is it because we think that woman will get a commission?But so does the salesgirl at the shop.And so does everyone gets a piece of your paycheck whether its government, retail, your boss and in some cases you! Are you not recommending your colleagues on Linkedin or ask for a recommendation? Linkedin exists because it harps the prospects of network marketing;pear to pear recommendations and that is a legitimate approach.

Many argue that these network marketing consultants have no training then how can they recommend a product? Hear me out, are you trained to advice your friend but you go ahead nevertheless? And when do we listen to the trained consultants, even we have spoken to a financial advisers we always go by our instincts..then why the pretense of not buying from a network marketer just because they have tall claims and have less training?

Some of the great products I have is from network marketing companies and I will never go back to the retail for those specific products. Yes they are little pricey because there is normally a great deal of research that has gone in those products and they are niche’.But they will be the ones to give you more bang for the buck with goodies and discounts because they have eliminated the middle man. The truth is network marketing or Multi- Level Marketing (MLM) is a business model existing since 80 years, tried and tested. It has a catalog because they want to reach directly to the customers. They want to eliminate the overhead costs and the money they make from you as a customer hence redirecting it to the development of the product, therefore better quality for customers and higher compensation for consultants.

If you are a prospective customer then you better start warming up to these consultants because chances are that the way business will be conducted in future.Most of the business start ups now want to eliminate the overhead costs hence dissolving the wholesalers and retailers. So, open up and just don’t say ‘No’ out of a fear. Make sure you have valid reasons.

And if you are a consultant and a network marketer just don’t accept a ‘no’ and be afraid.Dare to ask ‘Why’?

Business is not just jargons, number cracking and predictions. There is a more humane way to do business and you want to ride that wave! Don’t forget everybody needs a human connection! Don’t operate out of fears, operate out of reasons.

Why does my work space work for me?

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photo courtsey: http://www.home-designing.com               (Its not my room)

It’s a place that is my mecca. It’s where none can question me; I am the undisputed queen; my no-judgment zone; where I can talk to Bill Gates without getting nervous. My workspace is basically my HOT TUB.

The walls are painted in white with the dark wood table and bookshelf juxtaposed against each other. The books are numerous and not at all arranged according to their subject. They look like colorful cigarettes in a pack. I have a small and simple lamp. Beside it is a small glass vase with blue glittering sand and white tuberose flowers in it. My seat overlooks a window where I can see people and observe them in their busiest times and at their leisure moments too. I have a whiteboard against my table, which has stood the test of time, it is full of my beautiful photographs, cards and even tickets to my first movie with my husband. My stationary is all over the place with colors, pens, pencils everywhere. The newspapers and scrapbook of my favorite articles always open. Now most important the picture on a big white wall that sticks alone and keeps me going every day that says ‘This too shall pass’. So, I keep in mind that life is like flowing like a river. When happy moments haven’t stayed then why sad moments will and this will pass. I look at it and then return to my coffee mug that says ‘Put on your invisible crown’.

This is one place that works for me because it makes me come to life again. I love it. Why does your work space work for you?

A holiday challenge out of turn

Ok so my husband read my last post and really liked it. He casually asked me, like I tell most of my young clients, if I am willing to tone down my holiday preparations money wise and still keep the fun? I was unsure if I am willing to accept the challenge as I have always been a careful person who budgets for everything from buying a Gucci bag to the smallest item on my grocery list. I was not willing to tone down this year also because I have saved comfortably for the party and the gifts and the biggest reason; I have a new one waiting to arrive anytime and its celebration time! The inner Aries in me refused to give up on this challenge. So changing plans meant changing the following :

  • A new Christmas tree and decoration– I had planned to buy a brand new Christmas Tree with white snow flakes this year, as I got bored with old one and already chosen my decorations from ‘Home Sense’. The challenge meant that I shelve all these plans and still not feel bad about it. I rushed to my basement and stripped my old Christmas tree of all its old decorations. My next destination was taking a u-turn,into the dollar shop. I was pleasantly surprised to see the decoration items they had. Instead of picking my all time favorite red, green and white.I picked up all purple. I went overboard with even buying the wreaths from there. After my shopathon I apprehensively turned to the cash register and waited for the cashier to tell me the golden figure. “Its $22”, she said and voila! I won this one. My Christmas Tree looks more than perfect now with those purple decor’s hanging in there and I cant even tell its my old one.
  • Gifts from ‘The Bay’– I have always shopped from here. I know I know its expensive.But I budgeted for it. I just loved the moment when I handed over the white ‘The Bay’ bags and loved the shine in my friends eyes. I always thought that if I get them something less than that, it might look bad for my image or they may think I am in some kind of crunch whenI am not (I wish I knew earlier, I was soooo wrong).  Ok, so now I had to forget this. Instead I went to Ikea and bought some wooden picture frames $7 each and printed a  picture with a personalized message. I was a meeting a friend over for lunch as she will be away for the holidays so I had to give this gift before she left. After a banana loaf and coffee at the cozy Starbucks it was time for the gift. I slyly took out the gift and waited for her phone call.The call didn’t come the same evening. This morning I got a call from her and it looked she was emotional after reading my personalized message on the picture I framed for her.Her words “Best gift ever” and I knew she meant it as she has always spoken her mind. The AHA moment. I was all this while underestimating my relationships. I get the hint. I was wrong all this while.
  • Gifts for little ones– So, I thought of spending at least $50 on each kid, a total of four kids (one including mine). ‘Toysrus’ my one stop destination. Alas! I had to give it a miss. My Plan B,I had bought the jazziest gift bags from dollar shop and filled it with lots of goodies like chocolates, crayons, play doughs, star wars figurines, Cars2 toys etc etc etc. My grand total for a pack of 4, $36. What?????? I cant believe the bill. I bought 5 bags and gave one as an experiment to my 3 year old son and he cant get over the variety of things he found in the goodie bag. I must say my challenge was turning out to be pretty satisfying.
  • Crib and clothes for the new baby–  I do not know why but I wanted to buy $300 crib from Sears for the new one. But keeping the new challenge in mind I had to hem my aspirations for this one too. The old crib I had given away so I had less options and time even less. For the first time I browsed through sites like Kjiji and found the best deals. A new mother was giving a great deal on a brown almost new crib for just half of the price of the new one. She also had some great deals on baby clothes she had hardly used. I made up my mind, that I will be honest and even try buying those clothes (One thing I had never done). It felt awkward to go and pick it up as she might be thinking I cant afford a new one (she didn’t know I as under a challenge), but I still did pick it up. After the crib has sat in the nursery for almost 2 days, I really cant stop thinking about how my thoughts really did not let me explore any new and more economical options.I cold have saved even more! It does not matter, where I got the crib from, what matters is who will sleep in it! What a learning experience.
  • Gifts for me – I have always been a person who loved to give gifts it gave me a lot of satisfaction. So I still had few people who were good candidates for my gifts.It is tough to skip them. But for the first time I am going to not only skip gifts for them but I will expect gifts.

I do have some handful challenges to meet but I have overcome the biggest ones. The money I planned to spend on the above is still sitting pretty in my savings account. Apart from having saved even more money, what I realized was what we lack in our lives, we often fulfill it by spending money on it that is even more bubble reputed. The challenge has become priceless for me.I am more self assured and confident. I am not worrying about my image, I am getting more real.Extra money never hurt anyone.I am certainly loving it !

Tra ! la! la! la! la! la! la!

A life without ‘Facebook Life’

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to belittle people who love to share the snaps on Facebook, believe me I am one of those. I love those people for sharing their snaps with me.I am here to just add a perspective on the same topic.

My affair with social media is almost 8 years old..I started in 2004. Since then it has been a smooth ride.It has given me a lot of business and fortune and I don’t regret being with it even for a single second. I hate to admit it, but it is now guiding us in our behaviors, habits, idiosyncrasies, our relationships and more so life.. Whether its a recipe; a new decision; a new job;vacation, birthday bash or plain party..we are just not capturing the moments but clicking “Facebook moments’ or ‘Facebook clicks’ and this my friend is not the mistake.The mistake is to live for those ‘Facebook clicks’.

Just yesterday I had spoken to a Canadian friend who complained endlessly about how her boyfriend has not been taking her for any vacations for past 3 months and how their photographs on Facebook are not generating enough ‘Likes’. I wanted to let her know that is not what life is..but how could I, when I knew deep down that even I like to have some ‘Facebook clicks’? Facebook friends and Facebook  life all travel with us on vacations,sit between us in our sitting rooms through the  Facebook clicks and even define our relationships. I was not surprised when my friend from India complained that I didn’t wish her  New years whereas I wished another friend of mine on Facebook. Are we not taking our Facebook life too seriously? I have recently put some beautiful moments of my life on Facebook and loved to share it with my friends and family online. But I am going to be more cautious the next time I click any snap, that these would be also cherished in a photo album. I intend to put all my special moments in a photo album.According to Threatmetrix, published in an article on socialmediatoday, 50% of consumers do not trust Facebook stores.This is enough for me to work extra mile as a social media consultant. But still, I do not advocate living a Facebook life, even though that’s my profession.I know that the Facebook life is not my only reality.

Facebook may profess freedom and autonomy. It may be good at creating phenomena but our lives are not phenomena.I am not against social media but I think we all can try building our own quality life as well with building the social media life as well. Facebook has given great business to many people, social media is an amazing tool for increasing the bottom lines;for marketing, for business strategies and has changed the whole business phenomenon all in positives. Its all great! It has given us a way to find people that otherwise was not possible for us to meet.As humans we are born to connect whether online or offline and this need is the impetus of companies like Facebook and Twitter.

I do have a ‘Facebook life’ that inspires me to do great professionally; helps me connects with my friends and family; adds to my confidence but my life out of Facebook is equally fulfilling. Out of my Facebook life I am a mom, a wife, a person who serves community and loves to talk over coffee sessions post dinner.Out of my FB life I call my friends, visit my old aunt, talk and comfort friends.For all of you who are somewhere renouncing your unique life and copying a life that exists on Facebook that may or may not have been clicked just for Facebook. Its a Face and not the soul.Our lives are not phenomenon, they are at times exciting and at times boring;its not necessary for something to be happening all the time. I am not here to stir a debate on cyberoptimist or cyberpessimist.I am neither because I value logic and life. What makes sense does make sense and what dosent will never.

So get out with that digi cam or DSLR of yours, click the most amazing soul stirring pics and get them printed ! sometimes somethings should only be for you !!