Year 2007 : This is when I had attended an office training at Cornell University. On the last day of the training there was a networking high tea session that included some professors from Cornell, thinkers and some more dignitaries. Suddenly I overheard a gentleman talking to our team manager, the guy was introduced to my group as a lawyer from Yale and a management graduate from Kelloggs was soft spoken. They were discussing about how is it important to move vertical professionally and how the reviews they write can be a tool for their superiors to judge them.To this the courtly lawyer replied “It is important to be totally unaffected by the personal grudges and think objectively and that is quite an art.This art helps you think like a leader and not like a manager. This art segregates you from your peers and also evolves you as a human being. This art gives you an inner strength that your mere presence is enough to vouch something.This art also helps you when you know that you cant stand yourself because of your thoughts.You can only master this art by writing down your thoughts as they come about someone or some incidence.When you are done…the sequence will tell you how negative you can be..or how irritating you can be..and then you wont have to try improving, it will be done automatically .Writing helps because we get so accustomed to our thoughts that we lose awareness of them.” I didn’t pay heed to that piece as I had an interesting life to look forward to and pondering was the last thing on my mind.And I was busy discussing that how inbound marketing costs 62% less per lead than traditional marketing. And I was young and furious.Plus, I thought that I was too occupied and thought that I had no time for this self-help high thinker (there are plenty in this world).

Year 2011: Now that I am settled in my life in every way. I did an exercise. That I will try few things that I thought were way out of my league but were decent enough, before I scrap them and label them as useless habits. First was to try an exercise that I scrapped in Year 2007 by this self obsessed lawyer whom I thought as another aspiring self help Guru. I kind off weigh against Self help gurus, I believe in my own learning. So I have been putting off this from a long time due to my work;due to thinking that this is absolutely useless; this was an advice from a useless man that I have forgotten about..blah blah!But then I gave it a try because I was absolutely free. This was a good time to do this.I wrote down my every thought from my first yawn till my last yawn. At night I looked at that small piece of paper and guess what a revelation!!Vola! I am a weird person. I am a much better person at the end of the day. I am putting down some high points of my mental scribbler…

7:30 am – “this is a weird alarm tone..I need to change it”

8:30 am- “I hate to have this breakfast”

11:30 am- “I cant be having such fried stuff”

1:00 pm- “Someday I will give it back to him in words more harsh”

4:00 pm- “Susan(name changed) so selfish..I am cutting down any communication”.

5:00 pm- “I am tired..I cant excercise…I want to hog on food”

5:20 pm- “Cummon..hog on food ASAP”.

5:30 pm (after recieving a coffee offer from Susan) – “Susan is such a sweet girl”.
8:30 pm- “Yuck yuck I hate this soup”

10:00 pm- “I am going for a jog tomorrow”

11:00 pm- “uhhh…I guess I like the alarm tone”

This was my first attempt and since then I try to do it every Friday and fail off course. I ave attempted this twice and I really realize that after writing  my thoughts, I really took control of somethings and actually created my own reality. I don’t do it very often but this exercise acts as a flying squad for my thoughts..I monitor myself, read it and show it to my hubby…Its a surprise that this list ignites conversations over cuppa coffee, instills smiles and also makes for a good laugh that we share because I am so weird at times like all of you…try it…worth a try once…I know we don’t have time for this all the time but trying it just once will open some doors..somewhere deep in heart. This also helps to see that there are times that I cant stand myself.

NOTE: And by the way that gentleman lawyer whom I discarded as a high thinker and someone who has no struggles in life and will just give advice because he has nothing else to do…is now in the advisory board of President of US. And I am ashamed of myself  secretly(giggles) !!!

6 thoughts on “When I cant stand myself !

  1. perfect attempt..I myself is also going through the same correction phase ( thought most wise people give free advice as they get them for free). The gentleman you mentioned has reached a position where people like his thought only can. If you think about it, its basically mind controlling, keeping the thoughts free of negativity. I have also started an exercise its called ” good morning,good night diary”…these free advices are great 🙂 keep it up..

    1. I am so glad Vibhuti you shared this.I confer that basically its keeping the mind free of negativity.And also there have been plethora of self help gurus that the real people who are correctly successful and are inward looking ,lose their credibility.Its such an exercise and an enjoyable one! We will exchange notes someday! Thanks for your comment!

  2. We all are quite weird in some way or the other….now look here how you (your conscious mind) discarded this very interesting piece then, but your sub-conscious mind did save it.
    An excellent way to know more about ourselves….and I am surely going to try it…. :)))

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